How Scammers Manipulate You Emotionally

How do scammers manipulate victims into handing over money or personal information? This is a question that Doug Shadel has been researching for 20 years. 

In fact, in the late 1990s and early 2000s the former strategy director for AARP’s Fraud Watch Network had the opportunity to interview at least two dozen convicted scammers. When asked what their strategy was for defrauding people, Shadel says that they all answered: “Get the victim under the ether.”

Ether is scammer slang for a heightened emotional state where people are no longer acting rationally, says Shadel, who is now managing director of Fraud Prevention Strategies, a consulting firm in Seattle. It doesn’t matter if it’s a positive or negative emotional state. Once people are no longer using the logical reasoning part of their brain, they are more easily manipulated. 

That’s why it’s important to be alert to the ways con artists manipulate emotions to protect yourself from their tactics.

Strategies scammers use to manipulate emotions

Unfortunately, it’s easier than ever for bad actors to make contact with potential victims. With the press of a button, numerous phone lines can be dialed instantaneously, Shadel says. Hundreds of thousands of emails and text messages can be sent out at once to increase the odds of connecting with people. Plus, Internet forums have made it easy for scammers to share information and scripts to con people, Shadel says. 

If scammers can get you to answer a call or respond to a phishing email or text message, they will use these strategies to try to defraud you.

Scammers will gather information about you. Shadel says he learned through interviews with scammers that they often ask potential victims about their personal lives when making contact with them. They are “looking for their emotional Achilles’ heel to manipulate it,” he says. Scammers want to know if you are lonely, having a bad day, facing financial stress or dealing with any situation they can use to their advantage.

Scammers don’t necessarily have to coax this information out of you. They might be able to gather details you’ve shared on social media sites, search public data sources online or use the dark web, a hidden part of the Internet, to access your personal information that might have been stolen in data breaches.

Scammers will build trust. Scammers use a variety of strategies to establish trust, including posing as representatives of government agencies, financial institutions and well-known businesses. They also will use information they have about you to pretend to be like you or to have similar interests, Shadel says. This tactic is especially common and effective with romance scams, where thieves want to quickly establish a relationship with victims. For example, Shadel says one scammer he interviewed said he would spend hours praying with victims if he knew they were religious.

Scammers want to build trust to give victims a false sense of security. Then, the victims will be less likely to comply with requests scammers make.

Scammers will get you into a heightened emotional state. Scammers will either use the promise of gain or the threat of loss to get you to respond emotionally rather than rationally, Shadel says. For example, they might say that you’ve won a sweepstakes or that there’s an opportunity to get a big return on an investment with no risk. Alternatively, they might try to scare you by claiming that someone has hacked into your retirement account, that you’re being audited by the IRS or that someone you love is in an emergency situation.

Scammers will create urgency. They want to compel you to act quickly without thinking. So scammers will use one of three tactics: time urgency, product urgency or threats, Shadel says. 

They might claim that time is running out for a positive outcome, such as winning a prize. They might say there are only a few left of an item that’s being offered. Or scammers will threaten that something bad will happen—that your account will be suspended or you will be arrested, for example—if you don’t take immediate action.

How to protect yourself

Once scammers start to manipulate you emotionally, it’s hard to break the spell. That’s why it’s important to take steps to reduce the chance that they will have an opportunity to get you into a heightened emotional state.

Limit your exposure: Reduce the number of spam calls you get by downloading a call-blocking app for your mobile phone. Major wireless carriers such as AT&T and Verizon offer their own apps with free and paid versions. There also are third-party call-blocking apps such as Hiya and Nomorobo.

Better yet, let all calls go to voicemail. Most likely, scammers will hang up before the call goes to voicemail. If they do leave a message, don’t call the number they leave. The same goes for any unsolicited emails or text messages you receive. Don’t respond directly or click on any links within the message. Look up the number of the company or organization that supposedly is trying to contact you. 

If you get a text from a stranger who appears to have reached the wrong number, don’t respond. Scammers send messages in hopes that people will respond that they’ve contacted the wrong person. Then, the scammers will try to continue the conversation and strike up a friendship to manipulate people. 

Don’t share personal information: If you do end up on a call with a stranger, don’t share any personal information. “They’re going to use that to find a weakness,” Shadel says. Personal information includes insights into how you’re doing emotionally. For example, if asked how your day is going, a simple “OK” will suffice. You don’t want potential scammers to know if you’re doing well or having a bad day because they can exploit your current emotional state. 

Also, adjust your privacy settings on social media sites so that only your connections can see what you post. Even then, be careful what you share. If scammers see what you post, they can use this information to try to create a connection with you or to trick you. For example, if you post about your grandchildren and share their names, scammers can call and claim to be one of your grandchildren in need of cash to get out of an emergency situation.

Notice the moment: If you’re being contacted out of the blue, pay attention to what you’re being told. Is the caller, email or text trying to create a sense of urgency? Is someone claiming to be with a government agency? If so, that’s a big red flag because government agencies won’t contact you by phone, email or text message. 

Also, notice how you’re feeling in the moment. If you’re dealing with a stressful situation, don’t respond to any unsolicited communication because you’ll be at a greater risk of being manipulated. A study by AARP found that people who are experiencing stressful life events are much more likely to become fraud victims.

Put protections in place: In addition to limiting exposure, the AARP study recommends protecting yourself with credit freezes, online monitoring of accounts, password management and having a strong social support network.

You can place a freeze on your credit reports at each of the three credit bureaus—Equifax, Experian and TransUnion—to prevent scammers who get your personal information from opening lines of credit in your name. 

You can use Carefull to get 24/7 financial account, credit and identity monitoring and alerts when unusual activity and misuse or your personal information is detected. Carefull also includes a password manager, a ScamCheck tool to help you identify scam calls, emails and texts, and a trusted contacts feature that can alert trusted family members if unusual activity is detected on your accounts. 

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